[ and eizen is true to his word, making his way over the zhongli's address within record time. the trip itself seemingly avoidant of any unfortunate or unlucky happenings. maybe that is because he took a path that avoided the general traffic, or maybe it's because he's just having a good day - eizen can't say for sure but he knows better than to question it.
he is getting used to the city and, in turn, the city is getting used to him.
not long after his message zhongli is getting three sharp knocks at his apartment door. your visitor has arrived, let him in. ]
[Eizen certainly didn't waste any time. Zhongli's just finished setting out a few things to eat on the table along with the wine glasses and the bottle of port. He opens the door before the blond can consider knocking again, and steps aside.]
Welcome in. Make yourself comfortable. [His tone is warm. It has been a long time since they saw each other, after all, and... well, neither of them have aged a day but that's no surprise.
The apartment has the exact same personal touches in it (the shelf, the framed brush paintings, the shrine) that his tiny place in HQ had. He travels light, but seeing as this is a more permanent assignment, he's allowed himself to grow a little.
It smells like Peking duck in here, and that's because Zhongli has sliced a bunch and served it up with Mandarin pancakes and sauce. The perfect companion to a tawny, rich port is something savory. Zhongli pops the cork easily and pours Eizen's glass first, followed by his own, and then he goes to sit down.]
Hmm. Somehow, your shoulders have gotten broader since I last saw you. You've been working hard, I take it.
[ naturally, it isn't the similarities to his place in HQ that draw eizen's attention but the differences. the little things that tell him more than the familiar ever could. it brings a smile to the malak's face, one that starts small and grows as he shifts his weight and hooks his thumbs on the corner of his pockets. the smell of peking duck catches his attention as well, glancing over to the slices of food the other man knows full well eizen doesn't need in order to survive.
but that doesn't stop him from indulging every once and a while, something he grew into a habit of doing whenever he spent time zhongli.
he takes the glass with a half-muttered thanks, bringing it up to his nose to take in the smell before taking a drink. ]
Aye, there is no rest of the wicked. [ and for beings that do not need rest, per say. ] And you? Sounds like you've had your hands full over here.
[Zhongli would rather cut off his own arm than risk being a rude host. He's always been like this, stubborn about traditions and rituals. No wonder he annoys the hell out of the younger crowd.]
Hahah. It's been one thing after another, but it isn't all terrible. People like Jusis are hard to come by in the Order. You won't find another team like this even if you look the world over.
[He takes a sip of his own glass. It's rich and lingers on the tongue, exactly what he feels he needs right now.]
Perhaps it's because we can all considered troublemakers in our own right, but I feel that many of us are united by convictions both spoken and unspoken. There is much to be said for those who see something wrong with the world, then go and do something about it.
[ there is very little he could do to be a rude host in the eyes of eizen, former pirate, but he knows better than to try and sway zhongli from his chosen course. he'd rather indulge him, allow him to tread his course no matter where it takes him. ]
He has Velvet's vote of confidence, not something given out often nor easy to obtain. As does he have yours it seems.
[ those alone are enough for eizen to even entertain putting his trust in him, something not easily done when it comes to the order as a whole. he trusts velvet's judgment as much as he trusts zhongli's, as much as he trusts zaveid's and edna's. eizen hums thoughtfully, taking another sip before placing the glass down. ]
Speaking of troublemakers. [ he leans back, eyes narrowing just a fraction, and regards the other man. ] Men are allowed their secrets, I have many of them myself, but I do have to wonder if you ever considered telling me. It would have been nice to have heard it from your mouth rather than Jusis'.
[ it's funny, he thought he might have been upset but he isn't. it was more the fact that he discovered the truth not from zhongli himself but another that bothered him the most. that and the fact his lack of time management almost caused the wrath of a god to come crashing down on mikleo, sorey, and jun. ]
Well, he expected this interrogation at some point. Zhongli is quiet for a moment, arms folded. He's pretty good at that, looking inscrutable the whole damn time he's doing it, but most of his close friends know by now that he's really just trying to spin up the RAM in his brain to produce a point.]
... It wasn't something I considered telling anyone until I came to Kaisou. I realized then that I was no longer in control of anything.
[He closes his eyes.]
I am not the same person I was in my past life. I was born a human, not a dragon, and I'm far from what one would call 'godly.' Since I had retired from my post in my memories, I had no intention of assuming anything resembling those duties in this life. I decided it was better for all involved to stay away... and to stay quiet.
[He looks at Eizen once again, his amber eyes difficult to read, but certainly appearing more draconic with this new context.]
If you are hoping that I will measure up to the god I remember, you will be sorely disappointed. As I am now, I'm less than a shadow—an old man eroded by time until only memories remain.
[Eizen has probably never heard Zhongli talk this much about himself before. He'd be excused for regretting asking.]
[ eizen stays silent, simply listens as zhongli talks, as patience as the mountain he was born from in his past life. he doesn't intend on turning his visit into an interrogation, he has no intention of demanding answers that zhongli isn't willing to give. he does not even seem upset at the answer he is given, something in his stoney expression almost softening at the admittance. there is an understanding there, something that sinks deep past skin and muscle and settles in his bones. ]
I don't expect anything from you, old friend. [ he shifts forward, blue eyes almost too bright all of a sudden. ] If that is the course you wish to sail upon I will make no move to stop you. It is your wheel to take hold of and steer how you wish, if I were to do anything it would stop whoever dare force you to sail in a direction you do not want.
[ after all, is he no free to choose his own path in this life? free of the shackles that bound him in the last? ]
As I said, it would have been preferable to hear from your lips but what's done is done. [ he picks up his drink again, taking another drink. ] I would ask you not to sell yourself short, however, you are more than you think you are. Very few would be willing to go to bat for the Reaper, especially a simple old man eroded by time.
[Zhongli is expecting more anger. Goodness knows he's seen a lot of it, usually centered around some revealed secret or another. A part of him wonders if it would be better just to come clean. A different part insists it's better to ignore it all. It's not his problem what people think of him... and yet.
When Eizen says he isn't expecting anything, Zhongli's eyebrows rise. And as he goes on, they get higher. Not only does Eizen understand with minimal questioning, but he just... accepts it. Grace and understanding, as if it's that easy. It leaves him speechless for a minute, enough to show on his face.
... He's touched.]
Friends help each other, do they not? That was why I stepped in.
I never thought the nickname suited you. If I looked at your actions, which is all that matters, I would name you a Protector rather than a Reaper of any sort. You have always kept your promises.
[He lets out a slow, deep breath. And he takes a drink. And finally, he comes out with the rest.]
... Regrettably, I am not free. No more free than you, or Velvet, or anyone else in the Black Order. [His eyes shift to the side.] Whereas you were told to submit to the chains or lose the life you knew... I signed a contract with them in order to aid someone else.
I think there must be another solution, old friend, but I am at a crossroads. I can never—will never—break a contract that has been made in good faith.
[He doesn't say he has been thinking of leaving, but it is strongly implied. He stops just short of anything that could be used against them if they were overheard.]
If I might have your honesty, then answer me this: do you believe you were given a fair and honest opportunity to consider your course, and to take hold of the wheel?
A simple yes or no will suffice. You shouldn't say any more than that.
[ a protector, it would nice if that were the case, but eizen knows better than to try and argue the point. despite his actions, his presence often brings more ill than anything else. what kind of protector does that make him, truly?
eizen takes another drink as zhongli continues, eyes fluttering closed as he takes in the words. the unfortunate fact is that none of them are as truly free as they could be, that a noose hangs loosely around their necks with the unspoken threat of tightening at any given moment. he knows the irony in his own words, in the promise he all but made, but he makes it despite it all. ]
You did what you had to do to try and help those close to you. [ a memory flickers by his vision; a dragon's roar upon a mountain, his fists all but coated in blood, the creeping pain of malevolence snaking through his veins, zaveid's oath. ] If you think I am going to fault you for choosing this course, even as it hangs a noose around your neck, then you're going to be sorely disappointed.
[ another drink, blue eyes opening once again to look over at zhongli. ]
No, [ his answer is simple, concise, he could leave it there but he doesn't. ] I sat in a veritable creator, unseen by those I cared more about than my own life, and was given an impossible choice. Join or forget. [ he doubts the story is unfamiliar, eizen imagines some of their number have a similar experience. ] If I didn't join I would forget everything, all that I remembered in that moment, I would have forgotten Aifread; the man who taught me how to live with my curse, who found me in this life as he did the last. I would have forgotten my sister, my friends. But if I joined... well, in the end, I did but what choice did I really have? What choice did most of us really have?
Even end I accepted these chains willingly, with any luck I will discover what truly happened to Aifread on that day, if he is alive or if he isn't. [ god, he prays that the man still lives. that his fate isn't the same as it had been in his past life. ] If I can at least manage that, all of this will be worth it.
[Zhongli meets his eyes... and after a minute, he nods. Eizen seems determined not to damn him. Well, that's his decision, then. Zhongli isn't exactly out here trying to make everyone hate him on purpose. He figures he hates himself enough, and what other people think of him ultimately doesn't matter. He's a sinner all the same, like all the other gods who won their thrones with blood on their hands.]
All right.
[But there is a flicker of irritation in his expression—very short-lived—as Eizen barrels right past the one-syllable answer he had expected. He sighs, but he listens. Just as Eizen had listened to his story, Zhongli will of course lend an ear to his.
So much for discretion. Perhaps he should have warned him to be quieter about it. Too late now.]
Hmm. What game are they playing, and who is their opponent?
[He takes another sip of the tawny port. A bigger one. He hasn't touched the food, but that's because his appetite has left him.]
They kept their word when it comes to my contract, but even one deal made under duress throws their credibility into question. We are looking at potentially hundreds over the years. [He sets his glass down, gloved fingertips resting along the base of the glass.] If I go chasing rabbits, I will almost certainly find myself disappearing down a dark hole.
So I'll ask you to confirm one more thing for me. Do you wish to know the answer?
[ don't give him that look, you know that question wasn't a simple one and eizen wasn't about to give a simple answer. maybe it is because he trusts zhongli so much that he is willing to speak rather than hoard the particulars to himself, especially the particulars of his whole reason for being here with the order.
in truth eizen has all but forgotten about the food, only remembering to drink due to the glass being settled in his hands. there is comfort in the drink, keeping him grounded in the moment rather than being swept up in the sea of his memories. ]
It is for the best you hold off on chasing rabbits, [ the corners of his lip twitch upward into a wiry sort of smile. a half-hearted attempt to inject some joviality back into the conversation. ] Were you to disappear I would have to go in after you and then we'd both find ourselves lost.
[ he drains the rest of his glass, placing it down carefully on the table, and pauses considering the question carefully. he breaks his own silence with a heavy exhale, a gloved hand reaching up to run through his hair. ]
[There is certainly something similar that runs through the both of them. A tendril of beautiful gold that parts the stone, connecting them. Something unspoken, but no less important than declared bonds of friendship forged.]
I'll keep that in mind, [he says with a hint of a smile.] It's not my intention to disappear anytime soon, my friend. I have much work left undone.
[He pours Eizen a new glass of port even as that answer hangs in the air. This is good port, but better with company.]
The truth can be painful. Sometimes, it can even be considered a punishment. Yet it is the truth alone that allows us to move forward...
[He takes another drink of his wine as he lets his thoughts percolate a bit.]
You were honest with me so I feel compelled to be honest in turn. If there is something you wish to know, you're welcome to ask. If it's within my power to answer it then I shall.
[ definitely good port, eizen is clearly enjoying it judging by the way he immediately brings the glass to his lips again once it has been filled again. ]
When don't you have work left undone? [ it's a casual jab, one lacking any sort of venom, spoken from a mouth curved into a devious sort of grin. truly, he would be surprised if there weren't things left for zhongli to do. there will never be a time where the man did not have something sitting neatly on his plate, of that much eizen is certain. ]
I would rather know a painful truth than sit in uncertainty for the rest of my life. Ignorance is more of a chain than that which is already around my throat, I can't chart the right course if I can't see.
[ it's why, among many reasons, he had to go see sorey, to hear his and mikleo's sides of things. if he hadn't he would have crashed directly into the stone shore and somehow made things worse than they had already been. ]
In truth, I don't have anything else I want to ask you. I am always willing to listen if you ever want to share anything from your past, be it in this life or the last. [ they are friends, after all, and sometimes you simply need to get things off your chest. ] As for everything else, you will always be the first person I will come to should I have any questions.
[That earns Eizen a chuckle. It's warm like a hearth.] Oh, I managed to find a way to retire before. Perhaps I won't even need to engineer my own death this time.
[ZHONGLI]
As always, your words ring true. I will do my best. [To free him. To look out for him...
They're creatures of a similar shape, after all.]
You may regret your offer. It's been some time since I debated a scholar for an entire day, but I would gladly do so again to correct the course of historiography. [He smiles so his eyes crinkle at the corners. A little humor, maybe, even though he's... totally serious about doing it...]
Very well. [A pause. He takes a sip of his port.]
I did mean to mention something now that you're here. I kept quiet about this fact when I was at headquarters for his safety, but it's inevitable now.
I have a son—Xiao. We were family in all but name in our past lives. I recognized him on the streets of Jianye and adopted him in this one. [He uses a very old name for Nanjing here, which should tell Eizen more than he's saying.] ... He is my joy, and I've been apart from him for too long. For this reunion alone, my assignment has been a blessing.
[ It would be easy to text, it would hide how wrung out she sounds, but she... She needs to hear Eizen. She needs to make sure it's him and he's okay.
The sight of him back in that horrific cabin constantly haunts the back of her mind, and she just. If he's okay, she can push that back. She can get past it, she just needs to know- ]
Eizen, are you... alright? [ Please, please be there- ]
[ eizen picks up without hesitating despite the feeling of impending doom all but hovering over his shoulder. if anything he wants to hear her voice as much as she does his, to make sure she's still breathing after the cabin - after velvet...
she's going to be upset with him, furious perhaps, but he is prepared for that. ]
Lapis would've thought at this point her tears would've all but dried up, but hearing Eizen's voice immediately pulls a sob from her; her body practically trembling from relief. She was so, so scared she would never hear him again... ]
Good... [ Another sob, another hiccup, as she desperately tries to regain her usual composure. But it doesn't work, and all she can manage is to force words out between sobs. ] I-I was so worried...
[ But even not being able to stop herself from sobbing is enough to pull the anger back. If anything, it just makes her more furious.
Eizen will have experienced Lapis actually yelling once or twice, but it's still rare enough that it tends to be a surprise when it happens. And now Eizen is the target of a still crying, screaming cousin. ]
And just "I'M FINE" is all you have to say? Do you know how scared I was, how scared we were, you - you bug-brained idiot?!
[ There's some other names in there, in her native language, and Eizen will probably know what they mean. Lapis does only swear in Italian, after all.
But the name-calling comes to an end as another sob is wrenched from her, her voice struggling under the almost debilitating mix of relief and distress. ]
Y-you're the only family I have left, you can't leave me like that!
[ prepared as he is for her anger, eizen still jumps the moment her voice picks up in volume. flinching he holds the phone a fair distance from his head, her voice echoing in the sparsely decorated room. it's been a long time since he actually heard her yell like this, a long time since she'd been so upset with him that she slipped into her native language. guilt chews at his insides and he feels his stomach sink. ]
I know, I'm ─ [ sorry sits heavily on his tongue. no amount of sorrys are going to make anything of what they experienced better, it feels almost hollow to even try and say. ] I wanted to protect you, all three of you. It didn't matter if it cost me my life as long as you were safe.
[ he won't apologize, there is no point because eizen knows as well as they do that he'd do it again in a heartbeat. ]
My door is open if you want to come hit me, Lapis.
[ Lapis knows the thought process behind what happened - knows because she would've done the same without hesitation - but it doesn't make what she saw hurt any less. His blood on her hands, watching the life literally drain away... It still makes her feel sick, still makes her hands shake. ]
... I never want to see you like that ever again. [ Her volume slowly lowers, exhaustion catching up with her as her voice wavers. She doesn't expect any apologies and she knows he can't promise anything, but... Never again. She can't bear seeing him like that again.
And at least he gives her a chance to wipe clean her last memory of him. There's a moment where she takes a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down before there's the sound of her getting onto her feet. ]
F-fine. I'll be over soon. [ Time to let Jinwoo know she intends to punch Eizen a few times before she makes her way over - ]
[ there was some idiotic part of him that thinks she wouldn't want to see him, so he's relieved when she agrees and the sound of her getting to her feet comes through. it is a dangerous thing to invite her over like this, dangerous because he knows her well enough to know that he'll come out of the visit with a bruised arm from the amount of hits he is about to take. all of them entirely deserved.
for now, all he can do is wait. seated on his plain couch watching the door to his place as the tv nearby chatters away with something or other. but waiting has never really been his strong suit, he gets up within a few minutes and meanders around his own kitchen. if he boils the kettle now he'll have it ready for her when she arrives, maybe he should check his cupboards for some sort of snacks (he has others buy the few food items he requests these days... being invisible to others and all. not to mention no longer requiring food to survive) for her, or maybe --
[ There's absolutely no hesitation as she makes her way to his place - she's exhausted and sore and everything aches, but she has to see him. She needs to see him, after how it all ended in that cabin. She doesn't want her last memory of him to be that smile.
Lapis is out of breath when she finally makes her way there, practically barging in rather than her usually polite knock and peek in. He's... not in the main room, so -
- The kitchen, she can hear the kettle. And when she sees him just... standing there, whole and healthy, she can only freeze in place. It's really him. He's alive. Then she storms over to land a solid fist on his arm; thanks to her recent forays into forge apprenticeship, her strength has started to build up. ]
I'm still - ! [ Her words stutter as she feels her throat close up, vision blurring as tears already start to fill her eyes. ]
- I'm still... mad at you.... [ And her words trail off into a harsh sob, her fist lowering so she can lean her head against his arm - her body trembling from the force of her cries. ]
[ true to his word he left his door unlocked for her, so it whips open violently when she barges into his sparsely decorated home. the sound itself was enough to break eizen from his thoughts and turn on his heel, just in time to meet lapis as she storms over to him and lands a solid fist on his arm. ]
Ow. [ she's gotten stronger, he notices, shifting his weight to his other foot. the anger didn't last long, swiftly replaced with tears. eizen puts aside the cups he had been holding and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug as her shoulders shake with the force of her cries. ] Yeah, I know you are.
[ There's no hesitation as she hugs back tightly, clinging to him as if he might vanish. She does at least manage a weak thump of her fist against his back, but that's all she can do as she clings and sobs. It takes her a few moments until she can catch her breath, her voice still wavering when she manages to speak. ]
I know I can't... tell you to not do that again. [ He would do it in a heartbeat, if it was to protect them. That's just how Eizen is. ]
But I still don't want to see you like that... [ Even though he's alive again, whole and solid, the sight of him down in that cabin still lingers. She doubts she'll ever forget it. ]
[ eizen just holds her as tightly as he can as she sobs and weakly hits his back. he deserves it, deserves more than a few weak hits for what he put them through. she ought to do more, but he doesn't think she has it in her - not really. he brings a hand to the back of her head while she starts to calm down, gently carding his fingers through her hair in a calming motion. ]
Aye, you won't be able to stop me from protecting you. [ he's always been that sort of person, both in this life and the last. he could go through a thousand different lives and that would never change. ] But I can try to be more careful.
[ at least to spare her the sight of him like that again, to spare her (velvet and jinwoo too) from losing him like that again. ]
[ He does deserve way more than this, she should punch his arm until it's bruised, but... But all she does is cling, the relief that he's here and whole completely overwhelming. At least the feeling of his fingers through her hair helps to calm her a little more, eyes stinging and throat raw as she takes deep breaths. She's absolutely cried way too much over the past dew days, and the moment she gets back to Jinwoo's place she's going to crash for the rest of the day. ]
Good, I'll be holding you to that. [ Ugh, she even sounds all stuffed up now... Her arms squeeze around him again before she leans back, reaching to rub at one of her eyes.
... And then lands one more solid hit on his arm for good measure. ]
[ it is a choice he'd make again in a heartbeat, a choice he wouldn't be afraid to make if it meant that lapis would live - that those he cares most about in this damn world would live safe and happy lives. but he keeps that to himself and buries it deep with the memories of zaveid's horrified face the day he let the malevolence finally take him.
he manages a crooked smile as she leans back, eyes red from the tears, the hand he had running through her hair moving to help wipe some of the tears from her face - only to hover stiff in the air expression shifting into mocked pain. ]
Ha, I'll consider myself lucky you're too tired. [ a soft laugh and he brushes tears from her cheeks, before leaning back. ] Want some tea?
[ There's a sniff as he wipes the rest of her tears away, absolutely not pouting at the show of mock pain. But she deflates quickly enough, nodding as she rubs a hand against her eyes - ugh, they're going to be so swollen later... ]
Do you need any help? [ It's hard to stay angry, seeing him smile and laugh like that. In the end, she's glad she still has more time with him. ]
You can grab some cups from the cabinet over there.
[ he nods towards the cabinet in question, grabbing the boiled kettle from nearby and moving to the teapot. ]
Hope you don't mind lemon and mint. I haven't gone shopping in a while and it's all I've got.
[ considering that he doesn't need to eat or drink to survive, it's easy to forget to do things like buy food and drinks and the like. doesn't help that he can't just go to the store anytime he wants, most people can't see him even if he were to stand directly in their field of vision. ]
[ There's a brief nod in response, before Lapis turns and reaches for the cabinet - taking a moment to look for the cups before pulling them out. ]
Mm, I don't mind. [ Though... yeah, she imagines he wouldn't have much around the house, since he doesn't need to eat and drink like most people. And it's not as if he can simply go shopping either, with the whole being invincible to normal people thing. ]
If you want anything in particular, I can go get it for you. [ Even if going outside messed with her nerves a little - the only reason she managed the trip here was mostly thanks to being fueled by a combination of anger and wanting to see him. Maybe she could ask Jinwoo if he would go shopping with her...
But she'll bring the cups over now, ready to help with anything else if he needs it. ]
[ After everything that's happened, Lapis hopes Eizen can forgive her for not being there in person today. But she does at least make sure this is delivered on time!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; freelancer; early july
I just so happened to come across a bottle of tawny port, and I wondered if you might be interested.
no subject
How auspicious to find such a bottle. I would be happy to join you in its consumption.
no subject
Come on over whenever you are ready.
→ action.
[ and eizen is true to his word, making his way over the zhongli's address within record time. the trip itself seemingly avoidant of any unfortunate or unlucky happenings. maybe that is because he took a path that avoided the general traffic, or maybe it's because he's just having a good day - eizen can't say for sure but he knows better than to question it.
he is getting used to the city and, in turn, the city is getting used to him.
not long after his message zhongli is getting three sharp knocks at his apartment door. your visitor has arrived, let him in. ]
no subject
Welcome in. Make yourself comfortable. [His tone is warm. It has been a long time since they saw each other, after all, and... well, neither of them have aged a day but that's no surprise.
The apartment has the exact same personal touches in it (the shelf, the framed brush paintings, the shrine) that his tiny place in HQ had. He travels light, but seeing as this is a more permanent assignment, he's allowed himself to grow a little.
It smells like Peking duck in here, and that's because Zhongli has sliced a bunch and served it up with Mandarin pancakes and sauce. The perfect companion to a tawny, rich port is something savory. Zhongli pops the cork easily and pours Eizen's glass first, followed by his own, and then he goes to sit down.]
Hmm. Somehow, your shoulders have gotten broader since I last saw you. You've been working hard, I take it.
no subject
[ naturally, it isn't the similarities to his place in HQ that draw eizen's attention but the differences. the little things that tell him more than the familiar ever could. it brings a smile to the malak's face, one that starts small and grows as he shifts his weight and hooks his thumbs on the corner of his pockets. the smell of peking duck catches his attention as well, glancing over to the slices of food the other man knows full well eizen doesn't need in order to survive.
but that doesn't stop him from indulging every once and a while, something he grew into a habit of doing whenever he spent time zhongli.
he takes the glass with a half-muttered thanks, bringing it up to his nose to take in the smell before taking a drink. ]
Aye, there is no rest of the wicked. [ and for beings that do not need rest, per say. ] And you? Sounds like you've had your hands full over here.
no subject
Hahah. It's been one thing after another, but it isn't all terrible. People like Jusis are hard to come by in the Order. You won't find another team like this even if you look the world over.
[He takes a sip of his own glass. It's rich and lingers on the tongue, exactly what he feels he needs right now.]
Perhaps it's because we can all considered troublemakers in our own right, but I feel that many of us are united by convictions both spoken and unspoken. There is much to be said for those who see something wrong with the world, then go and do something about it.
no subject
He has Velvet's vote of confidence, not something given out often nor easy to obtain. As does he have yours it seems.
[ those alone are enough for eizen to even entertain putting his trust in him, something not easily done when it comes to the order as a whole. he trusts velvet's judgment as much as he trusts zhongli's, as much as he trusts zaveid's and edna's. eizen hums thoughtfully, taking another sip before placing the glass down. ]
Speaking of troublemakers. [ he leans back, eyes narrowing just a fraction, and regards the other man. ] Men are allowed their secrets, I have many of them myself, but I do have to wonder if you ever considered telling me. It would have been nice to have heard it from your mouth rather than Jusis'.
[ it's funny, he thought he might have been upset but he isn't. it was more the fact that he discovered the truth not from zhongli himself but another that bothered him the most. that and the fact his lack of time management almost caused the wrath of a god to come crashing down on mikleo, sorey, and jun. ]
no subject
Well, he expected this interrogation at some point. Zhongli is quiet for a moment, arms folded. He's pretty good at that, looking inscrutable the whole damn time he's doing it, but most of his close friends know by now that he's really just trying to spin up the RAM in his brain to produce a point.]
... It wasn't something I considered telling anyone until I came to Kaisou. I realized then that I was no longer in control of anything.
[He closes his eyes.]
I am not the same person I was in my past life. I was born a human, not a dragon, and I'm far from what one would call 'godly.' Since I had retired from my post in my memories, I had no intention of assuming anything resembling those duties in this life. I decided it was better for all involved to stay away... and to stay quiet.
[He looks at Eizen once again, his amber eyes difficult to read, but certainly appearing more draconic with this new context.]
If you are hoping that I will measure up to the god I remember, you will be sorely disappointed. As I am now, I'm less than a shadow—an old man eroded by time until only memories remain.
[Eizen has probably never heard Zhongli talk this much about himself before. He'd be excused for regretting asking.]
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I don't expect anything from you, old friend. [ he shifts forward, blue eyes almost too bright all of a sudden. ] If that is the course you wish to sail upon I will make no move to stop you. It is your wheel to take hold of and steer how you wish, if I were to do anything it would stop whoever dare force you to sail in a direction you do not want.
[ after all, is he no free to choose his own path in this life? free of the shackles that bound him in the last? ]
As I said, it would have been preferable to hear from your lips but what's done is done. [ he picks up his drink again, taking another drink. ] I would ask you not to sell yourself short, however, you are more than you think you are. Very few would be willing to go to bat for the Reaper, especially a simple old man eroded by time.
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When Eizen says he isn't expecting anything, Zhongli's eyebrows rise. And as he goes on, they get higher. Not only does Eizen understand with minimal questioning, but he just... accepts it. Grace and understanding, as if it's that easy. It leaves him speechless for a minute, enough to show on his face.
... He's touched.]
Friends help each other, do they not? That was why I stepped in.
I never thought the nickname suited you. If I looked at your actions, which is all that matters, I would name you a Protector rather than a Reaper of any sort. You have always kept your promises.
[He lets out a slow, deep breath. And he takes a drink. And finally, he comes out with the rest.]
... Regrettably, I am not free. No more free than you, or Velvet, or anyone else in the Black Order. [His eyes shift to the side.] Whereas you were told to submit to the chains or lose the life you knew... I signed a contract with them in order to aid someone else.
I think there must be another solution, old friend, but I am at a crossroads. I can never—will never—break a contract that has been made in good faith.
[He doesn't say he has been thinking of leaving, but it is strongly implied. He stops just short of anything that could be used against them if they were overheard.]
If I might have your honesty, then answer me this: do you believe you were given a fair and honest opportunity to consider your course, and to take hold of the wheel?
A simple yes or no will suffice. You shouldn't say any more than that.
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eizen takes another drink as zhongli continues, eyes fluttering closed as he takes in the words. the unfortunate fact is that none of them are as truly free as they could be, that a noose hangs loosely around their necks with the unspoken threat of tightening at any given moment. he knows the irony in his own words, in the promise he all but made, but he makes it despite it all. ]
You did what you had to do to try and help those close to you. [ a memory flickers by his vision; a dragon's roar upon a mountain, his fists all but coated in blood, the creeping pain of malevolence snaking through his veins, zaveid's oath. ] If you think I am going to fault you for choosing this course, even as it hangs a noose around your neck, then you're going to be sorely disappointed.
[ another drink, blue eyes opening once again to look over at zhongli. ]
No, [ his answer is simple, concise, he could leave it there but he doesn't. ] I sat in a veritable creator, unseen by those I cared more about than my own life, and was given an impossible choice. Join or forget. [ he doubts the story is unfamiliar, eizen imagines some of their number have a similar experience. ] If I didn't join I would forget everything, all that I remembered in that moment, I would have forgotten Aifread; the man who taught me how to live with my curse, who found me in this life as he did the last. I would have forgotten my sister, my friends. But if I joined... well, in the end, I did but what choice did I really have? What choice did most of us really have?
Even end I accepted these chains willingly, with any luck I will discover what truly happened to Aifread on that day, if he is alive or if he isn't. [ god, he prays that the man still lives. that his fate isn't the same as it had been in his past life. ] If I can at least manage that, all of this will be worth it.
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All right.
[But there is a flicker of irritation in his expression—very short-lived—as Eizen barrels right past the one-syllable answer he had expected. He sighs, but he listens. Just as Eizen had listened to his story, Zhongli will of course lend an ear to his.
So much for discretion. Perhaps he should have warned him to be quieter about it. Too late now.]
Hmm. What game are they playing, and who is their opponent?
[He takes another sip of the tawny port. A bigger one. He hasn't touched the food, but that's because his appetite has left him.]
They kept their word when it comes to my contract, but even one deal made under duress throws their credibility into question. We are looking at potentially hundreds over the years. [He sets his glass down, gloved fingertips resting along the base of the glass.] If I go chasing rabbits, I will almost certainly find myself disappearing down a dark hole.
So I'll ask you to confirm one more thing for me. Do you wish to know the answer?
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in truth eizen has all but forgotten about the food, only remembering to drink due to the glass being settled in his hands. there is comfort in the drink, keeping him grounded in the moment rather than being swept up in the sea of his memories. ]
It is for the best you hold off on chasing rabbits, [ the corners of his lip twitch upward into a wiry sort of smile. a half-hearted attempt to inject some joviality back into the conversation. ] Were you to disappear I would have to go in after you and then we'd both find ourselves lost.
[ he drains the rest of his glass, placing it down carefully on the table, and pauses considering the question carefully. he breaks his own silence with a heavy exhale, a gloved hand reaching up to run through his hair. ]
For better or for worse; yes, I do.
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I'll keep that in mind, [he says with a hint of a smile.] It's not my intention to disappear anytime soon, my friend. I have much work left undone.
[He pours Eizen a new glass of port even as that answer hangs in the air. This is good port, but better with company.]
The truth can be painful. Sometimes, it can even be considered a punishment. Yet it is the truth alone that allows us to move forward...
[He takes another drink of his wine as he lets his thoughts percolate a bit.]
You were honest with me so I feel compelled to be honest in turn. If there is something you wish to know, you're welcome to ask. If it's within my power to answer it then I shall.
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When don't you have work left undone? [ it's a casual jab, one lacking any sort of venom, spoken from a mouth curved into a devious sort of grin. truly, he would be surprised if there weren't things left for zhongli to do. there will never be a time where the man did not have something sitting neatly on his plate, of that much eizen is certain. ]
I would rather know a painful truth than sit in uncertainty for the rest of my life. Ignorance is more of a chain than that which is already around my throat, I can't chart the right course if I can't see.
[ it's why, among many reasons, he had to go see sorey, to hear his and mikleo's sides of things. if he hadn't he would have crashed directly into the stone shore and somehow made things worse than they had already been. ]
In truth, I don't have anything else I want to ask you. I am always willing to listen if you ever want to share anything from your past, be it in this life or the last. [ they are friends, after all, and sometimes you simply need to get things off your chest. ] As for everything else, you will always be the first person I will come to should I have any questions.
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[ZHONGLI]
As always, your words ring true. I will do my best. [To free him. To look out for him...
They're creatures of a similar shape, after all.]
You may regret your offer. It's been some time since I debated a scholar for an entire day, but I would gladly do so again to correct the course of historiography. [He smiles so his eyes crinkle at the corners. A little humor, maybe, even though he's... totally serious about doing it...]
Very well. [A pause. He takes a sip of his port.]
I did mean to mention something now that you're here. I kept quiet about this fact when I was at headquarters for his safety, but it's inevitable now.
I have a son—Xiao. We were family in all but name in our past lives. I recognized him on the streets of Jianye and adopted him in this one. [He uses a very old name for Nanjing here, which should tell Eizen more than he's saying.] ... He is my joy, and I've been apart from him for too long. For this reunion alone, my assignment has been a blessing.
voice | un: laluna - foward dated to 10/11
The sight of him back in that horrific cabin constantly haunts the back of her mind, and she just. If he's okay, she can push that back. She can get past it, she just needs to know- ]
Eizen, are you... alright? [ Please, please be there- ]
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she's going to be upset with him, furious perhaps, but he is prepared for that. ]
I'm fine.
[ physically at least. ]
1/2
He's fine.
Lapis would've thought at this point her tears would've all but dried up, but hearing Eizen's voice immediately pulls a sob from her; her body practically trembling from relief. She was so, so scared she would never hear him again... ]
Good... [ Another sob, another hiccup, as she desperately tries to regain her usual composure. But it doesn't work, and all she can manage is to force words out between sobs. ] I-I was so worried...
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Eizen will have experienced Lapis actually yelling once or twice, but it's still rare enough that it tends to be a surprise when it happens. And now Eizen is the target of a still crying, screaming cousin. ]
And just "I'M FINE" is all you have to say? Do you know how scared I was, how scared we were, you - you bug-brained idiot?!
[ There's some other names in there, in her native language, and Eizen will probably know what they mean. Lapis does only swear in Italian, after all.
But the name-calling comes to an end as another sob is wrenched from her, her voice struggling under the almost debilitating mix of relief and distress. ]
Y-you're the only family I have left, you can't leave me like that!
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I know, I'm ─ [ sorry sits heavily on his tongue. no amount of sorrys are going to make anything of what they experienced better, it feels almost hollow to even try and say. ] I wanted to protect you, all three of you. It didn't matter if it cost me my life as long as you were safe.
[ he won't apologize, there is no point because eizen knows as well as they do that he'd do it again in a heartbeat. ]
My door is open if you want to come hit me, Lapis.
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... I never want to see you like that ever again. [ Her volume slowly lowers, exhaustion catching up with her as her voice wavers. She doesn't expect any apologies and she knows he can't promise anything, but... Never again. She can't bear seeing him like that again.
And at least he gives her a chance to wipe clean her last memory of him. There's a moment where she takes a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down before there's the sound of her getting onto her feet. ]
F-fine. I'll be over soon. [ Time to let Jinwoo know she intends to punch Eizen a few times before she makes her way over - ]
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[ there was some idiotic part of him that thinks she wouldn't want to see him, so he's relieved when she agrees and the sound of her getting to her feet comes through. it is a dangerous thing to invite her over like this, dangerous because he knows her well enough to know that he'll come out of the visit with a bruised arm from the amount of hits he is about to take. all of them entirely deserved.
for now, all he can do is wait. seated on his plain couch watching the door to his place as the tv nearby chatters away with something or other. but waiting has never really been his strong suit, he gets up within a few minutes and meanders around his own kitchen. if he boils the kettle now he'll have it ready for her when she arrives, maybe he should check his cupboards for some sort of snacks (he has others buy the few food items he requests these days... being invisible to others and all. not to mention no longer requiring food to survive) for her, or maybe --
he might be a little anxious... ]
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Lapis is out of breath when she finally makes her way there, practically barging in rather than her usually polite knock and peek in. He's... not in the main room, so -
- The kitchen, she can hear the kettle. And when she sees him just... standing there, whole and healthy, she can only freeze in place. It's really him. He's alive. Then she storms over to land a solid fist on his arm; thanks to her recent forays into forge apprenticeship, her strength has started to build up. ]
I'm still - ! [ Her words stutter as she feels her throat close up, vision blurring as tears already start to fill her eyes. ]
- I'm still... mad at you.... [ And her words trail off into a harsh sob, her fist lowering so she can lean her head against his arm - her body trembling from the force of her cries. ]
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Ow. [ she's gotten stronger, he notices, shifting his weight to his other foot. the anger didn't last long, swiftly replaced with tears. eizen puts aside the cups he had been holding and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug as her shoulders shake with the force of her cries. ] Yeah, I know you are.
Figured you would be.
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I know I can't... tell you to not do that again. [ He would do it in a heartbeat, if it was to protect them. That's just how Eizen is. ]
But I still don't want to see you like that... [ Even though he's alive again, whole and solid, the sight of him down in that cabin still lingers. She doubts she'll ever forget it. ]
I don't want to lose you.
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Aye, you won't be able to stop me from protecting you. [ he's always been that sort of person, both in this life and the last. he could go through a thousand different lives and that would never change. ] But I can try to be more careful.
[ at least to spare her the sight of him like that again, to spare her (velvet and jinwoo too) from losing him like that again. ]
You won't lose me, I promise you.
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Good, I'll be holding you to that. [ Ugh, she even sounds all stuffed up now... Her arms squeeze around him again before she leans back, reaching to rub at one of her eyes.
... And then lands one more solid hit on his arm for good measure. ]
If I wasn't so tired I would punch you more.
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he manages a crooked smile as she leans back, eyes red from the tears, the hand he had running through her hair moving to help wipe some of the tears from her face - only to hover stiff in the air expression shifting into mocked pain. ]
Ha, I'll consider myself lucky you're too tired. [ a soft laugh and he brushes tears from her cheeks, before leaning back. ] Want some tea?
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Do you need any help? [ It's hard to stay angry, seeing him smile and laugh like that. In the end, she's glad she still has more time with him. ]
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[ he nods towards the cabinet in question, grabbing the boiled kettle from nearby and moving to the teapot. ]
Hope you don't mind lemon and mint. I haven't gone shopping in a while and it's all I've got.
[ considering that he doesn't need to eat or drink to survive, it's easy to forget to do things like buy food and drinks and the like. doesn't help that he can't just go to the store anytime he wants, most people can't see him even if he were to stand directly in their field of vision. ]
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Mm, I don't mind. [ Though... yeah, she imagines he wouldn't have much around the house, since he doesn't need to eat and drink like most people. And it's not as if he can simply go shopping either, with the whole being invincible to normal people thing. ]
If you want anything in particular, I can go get it for you. [ Even if going outside messed with her nerves a little - the only reason she managed the trip here was mostly thanks to being fueled by a combination of anger and wanting to see him. Maybe she could ask Jinwoo if he would go shopping with her...
But she'll bring the cups over now, ready to help with anything else if he needs it. ]
delivery! backdated to 10/13
The box is neatly wrapped (or as neat as it can be with that shape) and inside there's a bottle of high quality rum, an antique map print and his own pirate hat.
Atop the box, there's a simple card with a message written in neat cursive; ]
Happy birthday, monte! x
11/15 back to back, possibly out of order un: fortuneclovers
eizen?
come on don't you ghost me too mate
oh for FUCK'S